There was a time where it felt shameful to admit you met your partner online, that time is long passed. Everyone knows someone who has had success with online dating, and with internet being a staple for modern life online dating has quickly become common place.
If you’re still on the fence the only reason you need is this:
If you increase the number of ways someone can meet you, you will increase your chances of finding a soul mate.
While the goals are the same, meeting someone to have some form of relationship with, the actual methods and details of online dating are slightly different than in the wild. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. We will explore these briefly before getting into the keys for online dating success.
Advantages to Online Dating
A standard meeting/pickup goes something like this:
You see a girl you’re attracted to.
You get her attention and engage in conversation.
You share some moments and experience a connection.
You meet up again outside of the first meeting place.
The majority of men who have problems picking up girls struggle with the second item on the list.
The first struggles when meeting someone in the wild is convincing them to pay attention to you initially, and then convincing them to spend the time and energy to actually get to know you. Online dating allows you to send a message which they can read on their own time. In essence you’ll get to make your pitch without the door getting slammed in your face before you get out your first line.
Online dating takes away the fear or the approach, and lessens the sting of rejection. It makes it easier to approach women and strike up a conversation.
Trying to find someone to add to your life is a struggle, and a numbers game. The more girls you spend time getting to know, the more likely you are to find one worth your time. Online dating lets you approach and engage multiple people at once, dating efficiency.
Finally, because you’re dealing with sent and received messages, online dating allows you to pause and think before you have to respond. You can take the time to speak what you truly mean instead of blurting out something ridiculous under pressure.
Disadvantages to Online Dating
There are a few disadvantages to meeting girls online as opposed to in the wild. The first is the ability to lie. People lie just about any time they figure they can get away with it. When it comes to online dating, the lies can come at you from all angles. It’s easy to represent all of your best qualities and simply exclude the ones you dislike, the only side of yours someone will get to see online is the side you present to them.
Beware the fat girl camera angle. If the girl only has pictures from above herself and to the side, warning bells should start to ring. This is a magical angle where apparently anyone can make themselves look attractive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t message any girls you deem overweight, I’m saying you shouldn’t message any girls who are blatantly lying to you from the onset.
The final disadvantage to online dating is the lack of the human element. Now if you’re terrible at meeting girls in the wild, this isn’t a huge loss to you. If you have success out on the town, this could be a sticking point. You’re unable to make eye contact, share a smile or even touch the other person. When it comes to building an intimate relationship, never underestimate the importance of touching.
It all Starts with the Profile
Let’s get this clear right off the start: cute girls can get away with having terrible, barren, profiles, you can not. Almost any girl you message will take a look at your profile, the majority of them will look at your profile before they read the message.
Your profile is where you need to stand out against the sea of competition. Any girl you message has already gotten a dozen messages before yours and will receive a dozen messages after. You need to give her a reason to want to read what you wrote, you need to intrigue her.
Online dating (all dating, actually) is all about hooks. If your profile is boring, bland or barren she will read it and forget you almost instantly. You need to set a hook into her, something which will make her pause, and look at you a little more closely. Your goal is to be continually sinking hooks, until she’s genuinely intrigued and excited to get to know you. Set enough hooks and she won’t be able to get you out of her head.
Pictures are crucial to success: The early stages of dating are based almost entirely on looks, chemistry and sex appeal. You don’t need to look like a greek god, you just need to look good to them. You should have multiple pictures which give them a good idea of who and what you are. Make sure you show off your smile, keep your fucking shirt on, have pictures which accurately show off your body.
If you’re too embarrassed to let someone see a picture of your full body, it’s time to start fixing that problem.
Stay away from mirror shots, no one wants to see your car, stop flexing and be genuine. Make sure pictures are good quality, but if they all look professional, you’re going to look phony.
Have some passion in your words: You wouldn’t meet a girl at a party and tell her “whatever, I don’t know what to say here. I’m just a guy, I like sports and stuff. Let me know if you want to know more”. Your profile is a sales pitch. You need to sell her on the idea of getting to know you; no one ever bought something because they were uninterested.
In your written profile you need to do two things, and you need to do them well:
You have to give a succinct, accurate and appealing description of who you are, what you’re passionate about, why you’re special and what you’re all about. This needs to be long enough to be a complete view, but short enough not to be daunting. No girl wants to read a novel about you before she’s decided she likes you.
You need to lay out what you’re looking for, and what you’re not. Be honest here, don’t just write what you think girls want to read.
Have an Edge: No girl wants a dull man, which means when writing about yourself you need to make sure you have a bit of an edge. Many men are afraid to put anything even close to edgy, because they’re afraid of girls reading it, being turned off and running away.
While this will happen, these are girls whom you don’t want a relationship with anyway, they’re not best for you. Your edge will be a hook to the girls whose priorities or proclivities align with yours. It’s better to hook the most likely girls for you to get along with, than to placate them all and net nothing.
Be Passionate: Girls want a man who is passionate, so be passionate. Dating sites are absolutely filled with chumps who have filled out their profiles with boring dribble. Don’t be one of them, stand out, be bold and be seen.
Do not apologise for you are, embrace it and be proud. If all you care about in the world are video games, then talk about why they’re important to you, why you love them and why it’s important for you to find a girl who shares this love. Don’t hide something because you think a girl might not like it, put it on display and search out the girls who feel the same way. These are the girls with potential for something great.
Be Honest: When it comes to talking about what you want in a relationship the best bet is to be very, very honest. The first step in this is actually knowing what you want. In my opinion the best answer to this is something I’ve said countless times
I’m looking for nothing, but open to everything.
It’s impossible to know from a first glance how someone would best fit into your life. While you may want to find someone to marry and have kids, that person isn’t necessarily the person reading your profile right now.
Be clear with what you want, and what you’re expecting, but adopt the ideology that while you may want one thing, eventually, the best plan is to take a situation one step at a time. Make no designs or plans, just see where things go naturally, react, adapt and grow.
A caveat: if all you want is to get laid, you should probably word that a little more eloquently. Firstly, it’s not “bad” if that’s your only goal, there are plenty of girls out there who want nothing but the same. But instead of saying “I just want you in my bed” say that you’re not looking for anything specifically long-term, while you want a girl who genuinely adds to your life, you would like to keep things casual and see how the progress naturally.
It’s rare for guys to get random messages from women on a dating site. It does happen, but if you’re sitting around waiting on it, you may be waiting a long time. Even if you’re absolutely stunning, the greatest man ever to enter the site, the girls are simply too busy dealing with the messages in their inbox to go out searching for someone to approach.
This means you will almost always have to initiate the conversations. The first rule of this is to never be broken, under any circumstance: Every message you send needs to be custom written specifically for your target. You are never allowed to cut and paste your message.
That being said, either remember (or keep a swipe file) or things you like to say. You’re going to be saying a lot of the same things about yourself (and possible about the women you are writing) it’s in your best interest to figure out the most elegant ways to say this. When you find a wording you like, it’s not a crime to hold on to that for another day.
A good message breaks down like this:
A lead sentence or two which grabs their attention, and answers the question “why is this guy writing me”.
Give a detailed reason as to why you chose to write them. This is should talk about who they are to you, what you like about them, and why you’re writing them, instead of someone else.
Write about yourself, in relation to this girl specifically. Don’t just re-write your profile, what things about yourself do you believe are important for this girl.
Finish with a CTA (that’s internet marketing speak for call to action). You don’t want her to read your message, enjoy it and simply move on. You want her to engage with you, you want her to read your profile and write back. Make it easy for her to do that, don’t leave it all on her to find the motivation. The simplest CTA in online dating is to just ask her questions, when you do that it’s implied you’re expecting answers. It gives them something to write to you about, instead of putting them on the spot to find inspiration.
Girls love compliments, but if you’re simply complimenting her looks she’s not going to hear it. It doesn’t matter how genuine and honest you’re being, telling a girl (who doesn’t know you) she’s cute isn’t going to gain you much favor. Compliment her on something real, something substantial. There is a reason you’re writing her, beyond her looks, that is the best place to start.
Timing is Crucial
Once you do have a dialogue going with the girl you need to move the interaction from online to the real world. The timing of this is crucial to your success. If you try too quickly you’ll look needy, possibly even creepy. But if you wait too long the initial excitement you two share will fizzle out, leaving you dead in the water.
After sending a few messages back and fourth, clearly displaying interest on both sides, it’s often best to move the conversation off the site. Get her number and continue the thread by text message. People are used to making plans via text message, it will feel more natural than if you try to set up a meet directly from the site.
It’s typically best to set up a meeting as soon as possible. Without ever meeting and touching the other person, it’s easy to forget about them as time slips by. The exact details of when you pitch a meeting and how you pitch it will depend on the conversation you’re having and the girl you’re having it with. The rule of thumb is this:
If she’s clearly enjoying your conversation, she is willing to continue it over coffee or a drink.
Make the request casual, as if you’re inviting out an old friend. Don’t put pressure on her or turn it into a big ordeal, just a coffee and a conversation, simple.
After you get her to the coffee shop, the rest is up to you. Remember to smile, look her in the eyes and speak from the heart. Don’t try to think your way through the conversation, just enjoy yourself.
If you combine all of these elements your success in opening a dialogue with girls online will increase dramatically. You will still get rejections and non-replies; you’re not every girl’s type. But if your profile is great, has an edge, you look good and healthy in your pictures and your message was entertaining and intriguing, you’re going to hear back from many of the people you message.
At the end of the day, it’s a numbers game. The more messages you send out, the more possibilities you have of getting a reply. If you feel like breaking the rule and copy-pasting to up your numbers, your success rate will plummet, defeating the purpose of your corner-cutting scheme entirely.
Go out, be real, be confident and be proactive. Show these girls why they should invest their time into you, show them why you’re a good catch. Give them a reason to get excited, and you’ll reap the rewards.