Everyone knows confidence is the key to success, but when you don’t have the level of confidence you would like you need to learn how to fake it.
It’s a bit of a paradox: to be confident you must be successful, but to be successful you must be confident. The key to breaking the paradox is in one simple truth you need to hold dear; no one knows what is going on inside your head. Simply put, no one can know if you are confident or if you are just good at faking it.
If you want to have success talking to and picking up women, you are going to need to learn how to fake confidence until you are brimming with it. One easy way to do this is to focus on just one aspect of the whole game: making strong moves.
What is a ‘move’?
I define a move as any moment you are initiating a change in state. Going from outside to in, standing to sitting, silence to talking… any time you change the state of what is happening ‘now’ you are making a move.
Everyone makes moves from time to time. Anytime you make a decision, and go with it, you are making move. As a man it is often up to you to be decisive and to get things done. If you want to be viewed as a strong, confident, man you should be making strong moves every chance you get.
Be sure the moves you are making are strong, bold, and exciting. Making the obvious, easy, or weak choice doesn’t get you anywhere in life or with girls.
Strong versus weak
If you walk into a living room with a girl you are forced to make a move. You will be going from standing to sitting, a change in state. At this point you are left with a choice to make, this choice has three likely options:
- You let her sit, then you sit across, or down the couch from her.
- You let her sit, then you sit right next to her.
- You sit first, and you communicate with her to sit right next to you.
Choice #1 is weak. It does nothing to better your situation and reeks of cowardice. This the easiest and weakest choice (you could say it’s a failure to make a choice). Choice #2 is fine, it shows you have interest in her and are bold enough to let it be known. If she likes you, she wants you to be close as well. While this is entirely adequate, it’s not exactly strong. By picking choice #3 you are accomplishing the same feats as #2, only you are displaying a level of confidence bordering on cockiness. This strong of a move works best if you accentuate it, making it clear it’s deliberate. I suggest you wait until she is fully seated before having her move to her new spot next to you.
Move strong, or don’t move at all
There are moments when making a move is forced on you, such as the previous example of taking a seat next to the girl. You are making a move, so you might as well make it a strong one. Think of it in the bigger picture: you are making the move regardless, so do it strongly. Don’t get hung up on the details.
If you want to kiss a girl, and you know she wants to kiss you (it’s not hard to tell), then do just that. A craven will make no move at all or will do something weak. A weak man asks permission to kiss the girl. When you start the move, it’s blatantly obvious to her what you are doing. As soon as you start you need to follow through, a coward hesitates or baulks, a confident man will move in and give her what she wants.
Again I suggest you make it blatantly clear you are calm, confident, and in control. Sometimes I will kindly grab them and pull them into me for the kiss. Sometimes I will stop them mid sentence “hold that thought.” and move in. Sometimes I will look them in the eye and command them to kiss me. Whatever is your style, whatever is true in that moment, go with it. Be bold, be strong, and make it clear you are a man.
It’s about them, not you
It’s a caveat worth its own section: your moves must be done for them. When I talk about making strong moves I am not talking about being selfish or aggressive. If a girl doesn’t want what you have to give, you shouldn’t be making moves at all. But when you are out with a girl who’s into you, and having a great time, moves are to be made.
As long as your primary goal is to give them what they want, you don’t have to second guess yourself, at all. If she wants you to kiss her, you should kiss her. If she wants you to take her home, you should take her home. Confidence becomes arrogance when it becomes about you, or assumptions about them. No one likes arrogance, so pay attention to what they say, and more importantly what they don’t.
Some examples of strong over weak
Instead of asking “Want to get out of here?”, the easy way to say “Do you want to come home with me?”, when you already know she does, make it strong by removing the question.
“Come, we’re going to head back to the dancefloor for a song, and then I am taking you home.”
You see a girl on the train, you find her stunning, you make eye contact and she smiles. A weak man will blush and pretend to answer a text message. Instead, stand up, walk directly to her, sit down and introduce yourself.
As the train nears your (or her stop… you should always ask them what stop they are getting off at so you know how much time you have to work) you need to make another move. The weak man will stammer out something along the lines of “Can I give you my number, you should call me sometime.” Instead, go for something bold:
“My stop is coming up, but you are absolutely stunning and I would like to continue this conversation. Give me your number, and we can find a time to meet up.”
Or if you really want to go for it:
“Are you in hurry? Because I would really like to take you for a coffee and get to know you.”
If she agrees, great. If she says she is on her way somewhere, follow it up with the previous example.
You see a girl at the bar, and you make eye contact with her (always look women in the eye). A weak man will just forget about it, a slightly less weak man will walk up to her and say something boring like “Hey, what’s your name?”
Instead be the opposite of every man in the room and say something she is not expecting:
“I couldn’t help but see you smile at me… I don’t normally do this, but I will let you buy me a drink.”
No matter what the response, be ready for it:
“I don’t buy guys drinks.”
“Good, I would have lost respect for you if you had.”
“I would love to.”
“Just don’t expect me to put out, I’m not easy like that.”
*she gets flustered and doesn’t know how to react*
“I’m just kidding, but you look even more exceptional when you blush.”
In short, be bold. Be the guy from the movie who gets the girl, be the man you always knew you were. The stronger the move is, the stronger the response to it will be. If it goes sideways don’t let that crush your confidence. Figure out why it went wrong and adapt. Almost always a move goes poorly, not because it was too strong, but because she didn’t want what you were trying to sell.
If she looks at you wide-eyed, blushing, and hopeful, chances are she wants a kiss. If you are wide-eyed, blushing, and hopeful, that means nothing. Put aside your own emotions and focus on what she is saying to you, both verbally and physically.
Anytime you are in the moment preceding a move, make the choice to make it strong. Not only will things work out better for you, you’re going to have much more fun in the process.