Relationships don’t drive themselves, someone has to wear the pants and make sure things run smoothly and keep moving forward.

To be clear, it doesn’t matter who is wearing the pants in a relationship, just as long as they wear them well. There is no advantage to ‘the man’ always being the one in charge, but as a man it is your responsibility to make sure someone is behind the wheel. If your relationship is without a driver, it’s your job to step up and take control.

The first thing you need to understand to wear pants well, is what you need, and what you want, from your relationship.

Assess your own needs

It’s really important to understand the difference between what you need and what you want. You need to be very honest with yourself about these things, because without knowing how to answer this question, it’s going to be impossible for you to be the confident, dominant, competent man you want to be.

For example, you may want a girl who will pick up girls at the bar to bring home with you at the end of the night. But is this something you need to be happy in a relationship? You may really enjoy hanging out with your friends and smoking weed, but if a girl says that’s a deal breaker, is it something you need in your life or are you willing to give it up?

You need to know what makes you happy, and what keeps you sane. Once you know how to tell between what you need and want, you are prepared to put one leg into those pants.

Never compromise on a need

The only thing you need to know to avoid being ‘whipped’ in a relationship is this one piece of advice: never compromise on something you need.


Know the difference.

If you have been honest with yourself on what you need versus what you want then compromising on a need is never an option. For a relationship to function you need to first look out for yourself. If you are not happy and healthy, you are entirely unable to assist your partner. If there is something you need, whatever that may be, then there is no room for discussion: needs are non-negotiable. If you are ever faced with the choice of your need or her, you need to make sure the need is actually a need and not a want, and if so she will always lose. If you compromise a need, then your relationship is doomed to misery and failure. Don’t put yourself into that situation.

Now that you are prepared to wear the pants, the next step is knowing what to do when you have them on.

Put her first

If you are going to take on the role of making the decisions in a relationship, then you need to understand that every decision you make is for the benefit of her and your relationship. The happier she is, the better off you two will be, and the more willing she will be to let you continue to wear the pants. Being in control is not about being selfish, it’s not about you getting what you want, it’s about you both getting what you need and avoiding as many mistakes as possible.

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When you are going out to eat, choose the place you think she would most enjoy (and you are happy to eat at). Make sure to always put her needs as being crucial to every choice you make.

  • If her needs go against your wants, she wins.
  • If your needs go against her wants, she loses.
  • But if your wants go against her wants, she should win just about every time.

When someone has to give, it should always be you. While this sounds entirely selfless, it’s not: by making her the happiest girlfriend she could possibly be, she will be the best girlfriend you could ever have hoped for. She will go out of her way to make your life better, because you are worth it. The better you are to her, the better she will be to you. This is the crux of a functioning relationship.

Know when to relax

Making her smile is your goal.

Making her smile is your goal.

This advice is not intended to give you the impression that only a full power exchange can be a healthy relationship. The most important skill in all of this is knowing when to relax, and give up the control. Remember, you are driving the relationship, not her. You need to give her the amount of freedom she needs, and support her.

The more honest, open, and communicative you are, the more information you will have to base all your decisions on. But when you don’t have enough information, you need to be sure to get it, or to make sure she has the information she needs to make the decision herself. Relationships are a joint effort. If you are making the decisions, it’s because she has chosen to let you.

Just make sure not to go too far with any of these. Your job is to maintain a happy, functioning, relationship, not bow to her every whim or to turn her into your slave. You are looking for the balance where you can both be comfortable and confident. But most of all, you need to ensure you don’t drop the ball. If you take on the responsibility of wearing the pants in a relationship, you are not allowed to let things fall apart out of neglect.

Done properly, she will have less stress, and both of your lives will be better off for it.

Want to learn together? I offer Couples BDSM Coaching.