Often spoke of as the holy grail of sex, a threesome has the potential to be a night you will remember fondly for the rest of your life, if you do it right.

As Uncle Ben taught us all, with great power comes great responsibility. Not all threesomes end well, some even in disaster. But when they work, they are every bit as delightful as you have dreamt of your entire life. It’s your job to make sure your ménage à trois goes off without a hitch.

First, You’re Going to Need Girls

This article is written about a Female, Female, Male threesome (FFM), as a MMF threesome requires a very different guide. So to make this work, you (the M) is going to need to find a couple of F’s.

If you already have a girlfriend, this could be the best or worst thing you have going for you. You’re already halfway there, but that doesn’t always mean you’re closer than a single male. In order for a threesome to work, everyone involved has to be completely into it, the idea of it, the process of it, and all of the people in it (to one degree or greater).

If your girlfriend is the kind of girl who doesn’t even want to think about the idea of mixing in a third, then there is really not too much you can do, outside of some inception shit.

The dynamic can’t be awkward

But if you are a guy with one girl who is game, then you are more than halfway there. Because everyone knows: your best wingman will always be a beautiful woman. The next section is for those of you with a girlfriend. Even if you don’t it’s still worth a read, and I’ll get to you after.

It’s Best to Plan These Things

Before even starting to think of or look for options, you need to have a good long discussion with each other and find out exactly what she is looking to get out of this. Exactly what her concerns are, and what excites her. You need to get as much information as you can, because you have homework. You need to figure out the following:

  • All possible scenarios where she would feel uncomfortable or upset, both immediately or long-term.
  • All possible events which could lead to the previous scenarios.
  • All possible scenarios you are certain she would enjoy, ranked by amount of enjoyment.

It is your job to think of every one of these events which could instigate a bad-situations scenario, and figure out how to avoid them happening in the first place. You need to think of what you can do if one of these does go off, to avert disaster.

And most importantly, you need to figure out the most likely way to hit as many of the enjoyment scenarios in the process.

Every choice you make for this threesome is made to give both the girls (with a priority to your girlfriend, if that’s your scenario) the best time they could possibly have.

Even if the dynamic is them focusing on you, giving you the experience of a lifetime, you need to be playing the same game as the BDSM Dom, and understand that the truth (every choice is for them), is the opposite of the frame (where everything is about me). If their goal is to blow your mind, the best possible choices you can make, will be to enable them to blow your mind as spectacularly as possible.

Beware of Jealousy

While it doesn’t have to be, jealousy is often the biggest issue stopping your threesome from being great, or even getting started in the first place. The ideal scenario will have you put together two girls whom will be turned on by watching you with the other girl, instead of being jealous about it. This is the kind of dynamic you need to work your ass off to foster.

Don’t base what you know on porn.

If you are not dating one of the girls, then this is going to be very simple. If you are in a relationship with just one of them, then it is crucial you get on top of this. You need to be proactive about it, not just have your fun and try to pick up the pieces on the other side. The worst thing you can do is have your girlfriend agree to this, already feeling jealous, scared, and negative about it. If she’s only doing it because she feels obligated, you’re walking into a world of shit.

Nothing will turn the other girl off quicker than feeling jealousy, animosity, and tension growing in the room. While many girls will love to be a part of a night of fun, no one wants to put themselves into the middle of someone else’s relationship drama.

The first step in mitigating jealousy we already talked about: communication. You need to talk a lot with your girl. You need to make sure you’re entirely on the same page. And most of all, she needs to understand that your intentions are beneficial to her and the relationship.

But in order for this to work, it needs to be the truth.

Why are You Doing This?

Be clear about your intentions

If the only reason you’re doing this is because you think it would be hot, or are hoping it will help jump-start an already dead sex life, you’re taking a considerable risk. The only dynamic which has an extremely likely chance at succeeding is you and your girlfriend simply wanting to have a night of crazy fun. It needs to be clear that the night is about fooling around, playing, and fucking, and that’s it. If she is worried about having to compete for an emotional connection with you, she is going to feel like she’s in a competition, and she will almost certainly feel like she’s losing, no matter how hard you try to convince her otherwise.

It’s an undeniable fact that you will be more excited to play with the new girl than you will your girlfriend. The reasons for this are chemical and emotional. While you may understand that it’s just fun, and it has nothing to do with the love you have for your girl, making her feel neglected, unwanted, or ignored is going to put you and her into a bad place.

You need to accept this fact and begin dealing with it as early as possible. It’s best to talk about it before you set out on the start of this adventure. If you explain to her that this is a fantasy of yours, that you’re excited just by the thought of it, that’s a good start, but it’s not enough. You need to explain that you always have, and always will want to play with a new toy before you go back to enjoy the familiar ones. She needs to understand that you care for her, desire her, and would never do anything to make her feel second fiddle, but she needs to understand that if you’re going to do this you can’t control the chemicals and emotions that come with them.

She needs to understand that there will be moments where you are clearly focused on, and lost in the joy of playing with this new girl. That it’s literally unavoidable, it’s part of human nature. If she can’t accept or be okay with this, then you don’t want to walk down this road.

Finding a Second Girl

If you already have one girl who’s in, girlfriend or otherwise, she can be your best asset in finding your third. Because no one wants to walk into a potential drama scene, having a girl helping in the pickup process pretty much removes that worry all-together.

The key is to put forth an extremely happy and friendly vibe, and when you spot another girl whom seems to be interested, approach and engage. While either you or your girl can make the approach, it’s often best in this scenario if she’s the one making the moves. On top of the drama alleviation already mentioned, a large portion of the girls interested in this kind of fun are looking for the adventure/experience. A big part of that is wanting to know what it’s like to play around with another girl.

While many girls would be too shy or awkward to simply do just that, this is an easy way for them to play around with these desires some, without having to fully commit.

Girl on girl: life’s great joy

You both need to present a unified front. At first it’s flirting. You need to be flirting in all three direction simultaneously. She needs to feel that both of you are attracted to her, and she needs to see the attraction between the two of you. You need to make her feel comfortable and desired, and you need to make her want to ignore any of the objections she has and commit to a little adventure for the evening.

Above all else, she needs to be absolutely clear that it’s going to be a fun time. If she has any feelings that something other than a night of crazy fun is in store, she’s not going to be comfortable, and if she’s not comfortable she is not going to commit.

Search online, search in person. It’s best if you head to the kind of places where people more open/accepting of their sexuality hang out. Fetish clubs are by far the best place for something like this.

Finding Two Girls

If you don’t have a girl already on your team, then you have a far more daunting task ahead of you. While you’re going to be looking for any opportunity to come your way, the easiest path is to find one girl who is game first. And then refer to the previous section for finding the second.

When looking for this girl, make sure you are clear about your intentions from the start. You don’t want to find a girl, and then hope to convince her to join you on this mission. Instead you need to find a girl with the understanding that you’re interested in this kind of fun. There are plenty of girls out there interested, when you find one of them being up front about it is the best thing you can do.

Now when I say up front, you don’t want to meet a girl and tell her “I’m hoping to find a girl to help me set up a threesome.” While that’s not the worst thing you can do, it’s better to instead frame it as more of a lifestyle, rather than a checkbox on the list of life accomplishments. You don’t want her to feel like you need her to make this possible. Instead you want her to feel excited that she could choose to join your team in finding some sexy girl for you both to play with. You want to make it an adventure for her, not just a detail in your own story.

Never move forward with the mindset that you’re looking for a girl to help you accomplish a goal of yours. If you are then you’re going to risk accidentally making her feel like nothing more than a tool. You want her to be excited about the idea of being with you, and being with you and someone else. You need her to be on board with the entire idea.

The other path is finding two girls at once. Honestly, this isn’t something you should set out to do. Instead it’s the type of scenario which may present itself to you if you’re open to it. If you see a pair of girls out at the bar, you can go in and engage them both. In this scenario my tact is to catch their attention with little signals. You want to get them thinking about it, and (hopefully) turned on by the idea before it’s actually brought up. Just know that finding two girls to bring home at once has an extremely low rate of success.

Some girls will go out searching for just this. These girls will be easy to close if they like you and know you’re game, but this is extremely rare. More often success in this will come from two girls who both independently thought about it, and are turned on by the idea, but had no reason to believe it’s how their night would be ending.

You Need to Bring It

It’s hard enough to sate a single girl fully. If you’re bringing two of them to your bedroom you need to be able to bring your ‘A’ game. While you may get lucky and have one, or both, of the girls run the show, often you’re going to have to be holding the reins. You need to make sure both of them are emotionally engaged in the scene at all times. You can’t just zone out fucking one of them, ignoring the other girl in the room.

You need to figure out what turns each girl on, and make sure you give that to them. Some girls like to watch, some girls want to help you fuck the other girl, some girls just want to be fucked knowing someone else can see. You need to figure out what they want, and give it to them. You’re going to have a good time no matter what, so focus on them and do whatever it takes to blow their minds.

Talk First About Safety

We all need more of this

The final part is the least fun, but crucial to the whole thing. You need to talk, before you start playing, about expectations for safe sex. The standard rule with these types of things is to reduce the swapping of fluids as much as humanly possible. This means anytime you’re moving from fucking one girl to the next, you need to stop and change condoms in the middle.

Make sure to have this discussion, while it might not seem sexy, it will actually help them become more comfortable knowing that you actually care about such important things.

Make sure you’re prepared, depending on how the night goes you can easily go through your entire supply of condoms in a single night. If threesome is something you are trying to make happen, or think might happen in your future stock up. And whenever you are buying condoms always buy non-latex. Lots of people have sensitivities or allergies to latex, you don’t want to get two girls home only to find out you can’t actually fuck both of them.

The best condoms I’ve used to date are Skyn brand. Love ‘em.