When most people talk about good sex (or blog about it), they all seem to completely ignore one of the most important parts of it: how to maintain consistently great sex. How to always have great sex, even after having been together for years.
I had never really thought to write about it until a client of mine asked me for advice on how to keep his sex life great. We have all had good sex, and we have all had bad sex. But the worst thing that can happen is when you find someone with whom you have great sex, only for it to eventually grow dull. If you are a man it is your job to work your ass off to make sure this never happens.
So here you go, the advice someone else paid to get, shared with you all for free.
Lopping the ‘C’ game
One of the best ways to improve at any skill is focus on a method called ‘lopping the C-game’. I wrote about it in my article ‘Life Lessons I Learned Playing Poker’, but I will explain it simply here, and how it relates to sex.
The idea with lopping the c-game is that it’s more effective to focus on the worst part of your game, than the best. Typically, when you are at your best and blowing her mind (your ‘A’ game), there isn’t all that much room for you to make much of a difference.
Just below the ‘A’ game is the ‘B’ game, the average. Not bad, but not great.
But the ‘C’ game is as low as it goes. The thing is, if you just stop doing the things that make your ‘C’ game the ‘C’ game, then the quality of you as a whole benefits from a drastic improvement.
Instead of only thinking about your skills to get better, figure out what things are bringing you down, and simply cut them out, or find a way to work around them.
Disrupting the Pattern
Now that you are in the right frame of mind, I can give you some actionable advice, probably the best sex tip I know. We have all heard the advice you need to keep your sex life interesting. You need to be adventurous and try new things. A big part of nearly every man’s ‘C’ game is, for whatever reason, having difficulty following that advice. I believe that a big part of that difficulty comes from the advice being poorly worded.
It’s not nearly as important to be adding new things to your sex life, as it is to stop your sex from becoming stale, boring. While adding new elements to your sex life will accomplish this for a time, it’s not the actual solution to the problem.
The way to stop your sex life from becoming stale, and to start having consistently great sex, is to disrupt the pattern. Unless you take action to stop it, all relationships will begin to fall into patterns. When it comes to sex, predictability is the death of passion. So while adding crazy new things will be fun, the way to actually fix the problem is just to avoid letting your sex life fall into a pattern.
You can disrupt your pattern in any way you like, the key is for her not to know what is coming next. I’m not even talking having to anything big. Even a very small disruption can have a big effect. Take this example:
Think of a couple who have been together happily for two years. For the first few months sex was outrageous, and passionate. It happened all the time, but gradually slowed down. They have now lived with each other for 6 months, and they are happy. Almost every night they watch tv, brush their teeth, get into bed, lay there for about 30 seconds, have sex, then go to sleep.
By all means this is a happy couple, but their sex life, while good, is not what anyone would call exciting. If we check back in with them after another two years, chances are nothing much has changed, only they only have sex once or twice a week.
So how can this man stop his relationship from going on it’s current path?
This evening the man and his girlfriend are watching tv on the couch. They finish their show and walk to the bathroom and brush their teeth. She turns and walks out of the bathroom, but instead of just following and getting into bed he stops her “come back here.”
“What?” she replies.
“come here” he says in an amused tone.
As she nears he tells her to kiss him. After their lips meet he slides his hand to the back of her neck, grips her hair, and kisses her back hard with all the passion you had kissing before the first time you ever had sex. Just as it starts to heat up he pulls her lips from him and gives her an order, “Go to the bedroom, strip, and wait for me on all fours on the bed.”
And just like that, by asking for one kiss, and giving one simple set of orders, the night went from being ordinary, to memorable. Nothing much really changed, the only major difference is that he did not go to bed and lay there for 30 seconds before initiating some average sex. Even if he would have just skipped that, and not done any of the things described, the sex still would have been slightly better than average.
It’s that simple. Whatever it is you usually do, just do something different. Change up the order you do things, where you do it, even what music you are listening to. Just make changes, and do not let her anticipate the entire night.
I’m sure a lot of you have your own tips, or things you have done to make your sex better. Please share some in the comments below, the other readers would love the tips.