Some men believe that any act of gambling is manly unto itself, unfortunately these men are gravely mistaken: not all gambling is alike.
Some games on the casino floor should never be played by a true man. Others can be played, but they need to be played properly. Without a doubt the biggest offender on this list are slot machines.
The slot machine was originally invented to occupy the wives of high rollers as they played table games. The casino figured the high rollers would have a better chance of playing more hands if they didn’t have a nagging wife trying to pull them away.
Little did they know the slot machines would quickly become the most popular and profitable part of any casino.
Despite their popularity it’s impossible to be manly while sitting between two 68 year old women rubbing the screen in some sort of “luck pattern” with cigarettes hanging from their mouths.
It’s hard not to feel like a man when playing poker. Unless you’re playing a $5 max-bet stud game at the Mirage (where they actually have quarters in play on the table), you’re going to be just fine. Just stay away from drinking anything that comes with an umbrella.
Not all table games are made the same. While Blackjack, Roulette, Craps and Baccarat are all acceptable, Novelty games such as “Texas Shootout” need to be avoided. If you couldn’t walk in and play the game in a gin-joint in the 1920’s then you probably shouldn’t be playing it now.
There are a bunch of games in a grey area, such as Pai Gow Poker or Let it Ride, these can be acceptable as long as you don’t play them like a pussy.
No matter what table game you’re playing you need to stay away from breaking any of the following Gambler’s Rules:
- If you’re going to celebrate after a win, keep it to a reserved minimum. A fist-pump or nod is often the best way to go, but a calm thank you with a tip to the dealer is pure class.
- No high-fiving, unless you’re a frat-boy out for spring break.
- No calling anyone “dog” at the table.
- How much you or anyone else bets is their own business.
- Whiskey, Beer, Martinis and Cognac are all acceptable drinks for the gambler, anything with an umbrella or mixed with any pop (other than tonic or soda water) is unacceptable.
- Unless you win a jackpot your hands should never be raised in triumph.
- Don’t beg or plead for your card to come in, take your losses like a man.
- Always be kind to the dealer, even if they are taking your money.
- Winners tip, losers leave without a scene.
Follow these simple rules and you’ll be given the respect of an old-school true gambler, ignore them and get treated like just another tourist out to have a party.