Be the Best Lay She’s Ever Had (Pt.5): Sex Tips and Tricks for Men


You’ve made all the right moves, been cool and taken your game to new heights. The girl is so turned on she’s forgotten her own name and you’re in control of your emotions; now it’s time for the main event.

Everything we talked about in part 3: the true importance of foreplay, is every bit as true and important for the main event as it is in the coming attractions. Remember to keep your cool and pay attention to what you’re doing, and how she’s reacting.

Few girls will actually tell you what’s going on, so you’re going to have to get your cues from her body language. Pay attention so you know where you’re at and how you’re doing. While foreplay was all about building anticipation and longing, sex is all about bringing it all together with a strong finish.

There’s a reason orgasms are referred to as a climax, everything you do is constantly building to that point. If you want to be the best lay she’s ever had you need to shatter her world, leaving her in a messy heap of ecstasy. In the end, sex all comes down to one word: control.

last-longer

You’re controlling her emotions. A female orgasm is almost entirely mental. A girl can go from the very brink to nothing in the blink of an eye, unlike a guy who has a hard point of no return (see part 4: How to Last Longer). Once there, nothing can stop him from reaching the finish.

Part 4 taught you how to control your emotions. The best lay she’s ever had isn’t a guy who busts before she’s even close. Obviously you can’t time it right every time, but as a professional it’s your job to be as consistent as possible.

While theory is all great, it’s time to lay down the tips and tricks I’ve picked up over the years. Here is every scrap of advice I have on how to truly become the best lay she’s ever had.

Always Give your Best Performance

No matter where you are, or who you’re with, always give your best possible performance. Firstly, even if you took a dive, any girl willing to let you throw it in her deserves at least the best you have to offer.

Not only is it a matter of respect, but all girls talk. And when girls get together and talk (just like guys) they often talk about sex. The girl you sleep with will likely tell all of her friends everything there is to know about what went down.

If you put on a poor showing it’s guaranteed you’ll never have a shot at getting with any of her friends. If you rock this girl’s world, her friends are possibly the easiest girls you could get with. There is nothing more valuable than having a girl they trust vouching for you.

Stay in Control

In addition to staying in control of your emotions, retain control of everything going on. When you want to change positions, throw her around. You’re on a bed surrounded by pillows; you can throw the girl around without her getting hurt in the least.

Staying in control allows you to do what you want, the way you want it. As we learned in part 4, this can be crucial when you’re trying to keep yourself from reaching your point of no return.

You’re the man, so be a man. If she’s in bed with you, she wants to get everything you can give: So bring it.

Mix it up – Use all the Tools you Have

Regardless of how positive the response to something you do, the longer you do the same thing, the less effect it has.

You need to be constantly mixing it up out there. You want the girl to have no idea what you’re going to do next, if she can’t anticipate you, she’ll be constantly surprised which will increase the impact of what you’re doing.

Lots of guys get so focused what they’re doing with their cock, they completely forget to use their other tools. You probably have two hands lips, teeth, tongue and mouth. Use them all in any way you see fit, but be sure to mix it up.

If you don’t know what this girl likes take the shotgun approach. Just throw everything at her and see what sticks. If you’re continually mixing it up you’re bound to find some of her buttons, just remember what they are and how to press them. Eventually you’ll weed out the duds and have a full repertoire of moves to throw into the mix.

Degradation and Humiliation

I know I’m going to catch some flak for this one, but I’ve vowed to put out the best guide to sex I can, and I believe this to be a crucial part of that:

All girls are sluts

Even the girls who are enraged by this comment, and will adamantly disagree, are sluts… they just don’t know it yet. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just basic nature. I’m not just making this up either, if you want to learn more about things such as why girls are sluts, and why the majority of relationships fail (or have cheating going on) pick up the book: Sex at Dawn.

If all girls are sluts (they are), then all girls will enjoy being degraded and humiliated. It’s up to you to figure out just how far to go with this. Some girls (the girls who think they’re anything but a slut) will be on the very light end of this, while the girls openly in the S&M scene will be on the other side of the scale.

Through all your evaluation and foreplay you should have a decent idea of where this girl sits, but it’s your job to be continually assessing, testing and evaluating as you go. Being the best lay she’s ever had involves pushing her kinks to the limits, but be warned: going too far will often leave you dead in the water.

Start small and work your way up, begin with spanking, biting, hair pulling, dirty talk and back scratching. If you feel the need to escalate it further start slapping (tits, pussy, thighs, face), spitting, fish hooking, choking, and gagging.

You can really do anything you want, as long as it’s within her limits and comfort levels. If you’re thinking of getting extreme you should have a talk first to ensure you have a safe word and a firm understanding of her limits and boundaries. After all, you’re both there to have fun. You’re aiming to be the best lay she’s ever had, that rarely includes leaving scars (emotional or physical).

You’re not as Strong as you think

I’m going to go out on a limb and say: you’re weaker, and she’s stronger, than you think. It’s almost impossible to spank an ass with a hand too hard. There is nothing to break or damage in an ass, it’s a huge cushion of fat: you can slap it as hard as you physically can without almost any risk of real damage.

The same thing goes for hair pulling. While it is possible to pull hair too hard, you would have to be jerking or trying to hurt someone to do it. If you grab a fistful of hair from the scruff of the neck, and pull it slowly and consistently, you can pull it just about as hard as you like.

In fact a girl with healthy hair and head can hang/swing by her hair alone (I saw it at a circus once as a kid). As long as you’re not jerking, or being a jerk, you don’t have to worry much about hurting her. In fact, pain is the whole point of pulling hair; you just want to ensure the level of pain is enough to amplify her pleasure, rather than taking her away from it.

You can never know just how hard you can go by guessing. Always start soft and slowly, gradually increase until you’re at a strength you’re clearly both comfortable with. It’s better to shoot too low than too high.

The Silent Killer (How to Talk Dirty)

Ask any girl and you’ll get the same answer: a guy who is completely silent while screwing is a complete turnoff. Many guys are silent while screwing around for two reasons:

  1. They’ve trained themselves to be silent after years of covertly tugging it.
  2. They’re afraid of looking/sounding foolish.

Since sex is mostly mental, you need to be working as many senses as you can at once. Firstly, man up, and stop worrying about sounding foolish. If you’ve trained all noise out of yourself, you’re just going to have to act. Even grunts and “ohh yeah’s” are better than nothing. You’re not reciting poetry; you’re just filling the silence.

Another tip for filling the silence is to talk dirty. If you don’t know what to say I have a really simple tip for you: just tell her what you’re thinking, what you’re enjoying and what you want her to do. That way you never have to be creative, just honest:

“God you look sexy with my cock in your mouth”

“I love how fucking wet you are”

“Sit on me; I want to see just how good of a whore you really are”

As you can see we’re not being creative at all here, but you’re easily being filthy enough to qualify as a dirty talker. If you really can’t think of anything to say, feel free to recite the lines above verbatim. You’ll be surprised at the wonders dirty talking can do for a session.

A Strong Finish

The single most important moment of a session is your finish. This is the moment where the girl gets to shift completely away from her own pleasure, and enjoy the pleasure she brought to you.

You should be extremely thankful and gracious this girl let you defile her, so you should give her the honor of showing her just how pleased you really are. She’s not telepathic, and saying “that was amazing” will never have as much of an effect as letting her see just how amazing it was for you.

embrace-kink

How you show this will depend on your own style, and just how freaky this girl is. Be sure to make some sort of noise or if you’re the silent type go with a classic “OHHHH, fuck!” Just say it enthusiastically enough to sell it.

I typically advise to pull out and cum on her. Not only is it fun and hot, it helps ensure you don’t have any accidents. While pulling out is NEVER to be considered valid birth control (use condoms!), it’s always better than not; condoms break.

Where you cum will again depend on your style and what the girl likes. If you’re not sure how she’s going to like it you might want to stay away from blasting her in the face. Then again, you might not.

That’s about it. If you follow all of the advice in these five articles you’re going to be well on the way to becoming the best lay the girl has ever had. Just remember that not everyone is sexually compatible, and sometimes it takes time (and a few sessions) to get to know someone.

As long as you always put on your best show, and you follow these tips, chances are you’ll always get another shot to step up your game.

If you have any questions, or run into any sticking points, drop a comment below.

More from the Be the Best Lay She’s Ever Had Series:



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Written by Sean Lind

My time is divided between writing, women, pinball and playing my guitar. I give lots of advice, and like to think most of it has turned out well. As for whiskey, I am a descendant of Johnny Walker himself, you could say it's always been in my blood. Get at me with any questions or comments, I love to hear back from friends and enemies alike.


Comments (34 comments)

  • Zach
    February 7, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    You are a genius! Opened my eyes to how naive most men are. I used to think that things would “work themselfs out” in the heat of the moment. Damn was I wrong. Came to this blog because of a girl that is showing some interest and I am trying to figure out if she is into me/where this is going. I’m almost 17 (haven’t gotten any action), I am shy but confident in who I am, but when it comes to this girl I can’t think. Here’s what I don’t get… As nervous as I am around her, as much as a make a fool out of myself and miss all the perfect moments to hint how I feel she still shows interest! Obviously I want to step things up and this has given me a starting place. Thank you so much! And for any women who see this feel free to give me any advise at all.

  • David Kenney
    January 26, 2014 at 8:36 am

    This site should have been around when I was 18…. I’M 56 Now….. Married to a woman I met when She was 11 and I was 17. ( My sisters best friend ) She was just my sisters bratty friend. Didn’t look at her in any other way. The fist 10 years of knowing Betty, I don’t think there was 50 words exchanged between us. My sister used to tell me when I was 21 that , Betty Likes You. Betty thinks your Hot. . . She’s a bratty little kid was my thought. . I Liked Older Women. Them Older women KNEW how to treat me. and TEACH me things. EFG.
    I was brought up by my mother, who Drilled it into my head to Always take care of the woman first. From the age of about 12, Mom spent Hours talking to me about women.
    I grew up learning about women by TALKING TO OTHER WOMEN. or so I thought. I got MORE from reading what these women had to say on this site than mom ever could have instilled into my head.
    I was the guy with the Gentle Hands . Roaming, caressing , exploring, and my soft kissing. Never used a women’s Hair as reigns , Never did the slapping the ass thing, or calling names. I wasn’t brought up that way.
    My X wife cheated on me with my son. ( Not her son, My son ) ( I no longer bother with him, and I divorced her ass , and the rest of her too ) . At THAT MOMENT Women became SLUT’s to me. I didn’t want a thing to do with them no more. ( No, I was not going to become gay ) I was just done with women.
    My Sister found Betty on my space, or face book, after 28 years of being out of contact with each other. ( I had kissed Betty once on her 21st Birthday at a party my sister threw for the 2 of us because Betty’s is on the 11th, and mines on the 14th. so Irene made a Double Birthday Party on the Saturday between our dates. ( time to shorten this up a little ) Betty has opened my eyes a LOT. Now I pull her hair, I will Slap her ass, And throw her around the bed without hurting her. ( even if she falls off the bed, the pillows are already on the floor by now. ha ha. ) I guess I’m doing good with Betty, She hasn’t complained , I Still haven’t Licked an ass hole, maybe never will, But, Betty said I’m more relaxed than I was when we got together. (6 years ago.)
    This site was More informative to me, by reading what WOMEN had to say openly and Honestly , than any damn book I ever looked at.
    And to think I found this because I was curious about Whiskey.
    “”" I still don’t call her a slut. But, she is my Sexy Wench .

    • Sean Lind
      January 28, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      This is a tremendous comment, it’s messages like these which keep me working on this site (this site costs me money, I don’t make a thing off it). I wrote these articles as advice to my 16 year old self, it sounds like we were similar creatures. Had I gotten married I may have never figured these things out myself. Very glad you enjoy it, never stop being a gentleman, never stop being a man. Always take care of her and treat her with the respect she needs, but never apologise for being the man you are.

  • Josh
    September 30, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    LMFAO Meggan You obviously do not know the meaning and origin of such promiscuity. It is a derogatory term w/ only negative connotations attach to it – actually for your educational purposes, it was used as a euphemism in place of bitch in the get-go. Maybe youre a bitch as well? NOW A DAYS…People are actually trying to reclaim the word as a positive note LOL *if its worth fighting for…why not lol*But definitely, not something to be proud about. Then again, i guess you were raised by a slut =) . . . tell her I said hi!

    LOL @ Tim “when a man is attractive women forget about their boundaries”? LMFAO go watch Jerry Springer. Such ignorance to define sexual boundaries based on stereotypical BS. you must be a teenager. lol and yes I am better looking than you =P

    Lastly to the writer of this article…I can’t say I agree entirely with your perspective, regardless…it was an exceptional piece. Fucking rights!

    Cheers!

    • Sean Lind
      October 1, 2013 at 6:12 pm

      Thank you kindly.

  • Meggan
    September 13, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    I came across your Whistle Pig article and have stayed around for about an hour or so. I was going to comment on another one of your entries letting you know that I think most of your advice is good for all people, not just men, and that your advice specifically for men is much needed. Young women in large cities are now surpassing their male counterparts in income, career, and educational success. Real men are in high demand and short supply. I consider myself very much so a lady. I drink my whiskey straight, I can give a confident handshake, and I don’t slump over when I am sitting or skulk instead of taking upright strides when I walk. These traits alone really shouldn’t be unique to a woman (and a quite feminine one at that) in a room full of “men” but it quite often is.

    I think this article gives some good groundwork for having the right attitude to start from. Some of the things you list in taking dominance farther turn me off, some turn me on, but that’s not the point. The valid point you’re making is to let your dominating/ animalistic nature take over as a man and see where is takes you while carefully gauging the comfort level of the woman you are with. You are absolutely right that a girl with a guy that is confident, makes an effort to pay attention to what she is feeling, and takes the time to give her foreplay/ turn her on (and learn the skills necessary to do this) will even shock herself by how she can suddenly become ten times the slut than she’d ever be with some other idiot who just focuses on himself.

    Like all the other women on here I can’t help but weigh in and give a female perspective:
    Here are four things that do nothing for women: 1) The silent guy, as mentioned. Even guys who are otherwise good can be strangely quiet and sort of ruin it. 2) Being led into the bedroom too early can completely kill the mood. Just wait until I am throbbing wet, please. Undressing can also be an interruptive mood killer if too early. Shouldn’t we want to be ripping them off anyway? 3) Expecting a blowjob before we are turned on. It’s better if the female is so turned on she’s ravenously hungry for your cock all night rather than just doing you a favor, don’t you think? 4) Taking out your dick when it’s soft, expecting it to be sucked when it’s soft, sending a picture of it when you’re not hard. Why? Really, why? Unless you have some sort of medical condition there is no excuse for that. I don’t mind taking it out myself when you are least expecting it and getting you there but don’t just hand it over to me like that. That’s worse than asking someone to do the dishes when you are sitting on the couch because you are too bored and lazy to.

  • Tim
    June 10, 2013 at 1:20 am

    A lot depends on who the man is.

    A woman will not want to be dominated or degraded in bed by every man she has sex with. Consequently, many women who say they dont like this kind of sex, perhaps never come across a man who was good enough.

    Women set different sexual boundaries with different men and even they are themselves not consciously aware of it.

    As a rule, the more attractive, better looking, sominant a man is the more likely women will submit to him and let him have his way in bed. They will relax their boundaries when a man is very attractive and bring out their vulnerable, submissive sides.

    When a man is very attractive, women ‘forget’ about their boundaries. They become unaware that their boundaries are being violated. They find themselves being open to things that were even against their rules. They rationalize this later.

    With another man, who is perhaps average in every aspect, they may set different boundaries and limits.

  • spontan
    June 5, 2013 at 11:49 am

    I feel this was some really good advices and i wish i new them yesterday, btw guys if you come to early just be cool about and then she’s ready again when you are!

  • Alix
    May 9, 2013 at 10:15 am

    I’m impressed that you are concerned with providing the best experience possible when the opportunity to shag arises.I like your piece about self acceptance, your tips on recognising kino & IOI, and do preventing premature ejaculation. However, in your assumptions that all women are ether submissive or vanilla you do your readers a disservice. What about the many dominant women out there? the switches who are inspired to take on different roles with different partners? The super freaky kinksters who don’t fit into the stereotypical Dom /sub sadist/masochist categories. You seem dominant and your suggestions (hair pulling, spanking) seem not so much about figuring out how to please your partner as they are about figuring out if she is submissive enough to please you. As kinky people we all hope to find at the minimum acceptance of our kinks in a partner, better yet willingness but perhaps ideally, to be exposed to new kinky delights we have yet to experience. As we pursue of fantasies we owe it to ourselves and our lovers not to make assumptions about their sexuality but to be curious, inquisitive, inviting and ask able. This is how to be the best lay she’s ever had.

  • monica
    April 2, 2013 at 8:21 am

    Dude, i fucking hate it so much when my man doesn’t make any noise, so thank you so fucking much for talking about that part:)

  • Safa
    March 22, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Im a university student in South Africa, and though I almost never comment on anything I read on the internet, I just have to say, well done dude. You have managed to eloquently express exactly what I have found with regards to how to give a girl have a great sexual experience. The control aspect is so true, sex is a stage and the man has to be the puppet master. No woman is ever going to be happy with a hesitant man who continually asks whether everything is okay the whole time. To those who are bitching about the “all girls are sluts” comment, you need to realise that Sean is simply helping the guys who read this article understand that woman are sexual beings, just as men are. It is not a comment on the promiscuity of the female population in general. if you wish to take up issue with me, go buy a Cosmopolitan and flip through it. Nuf said. Anyways, great job man, this is the first article I will send guys to if they ask for sexual advice.

  • Dan
    March 9, 2013 at 3:44 am

    Hi, I’m an 18 year old kid from Alberta and I read and watch a lot of articles, blogs, and books about sex. Even before I have ever engaged in sex I have always looked for tricks and such. Most of the things I had seen were true but never really gave an understanding about it. Which is leading me to say “this 5 step program has had to be the most complete sexual guidance program I have ever seen or read” and I’ve read a lot haha… Best sexual related blog ever! You deserve a lot of props man.

  • Mickprick
    February 17, 2013 at 12:01 am

    I would have worded this entire article the same way. 2nd off, nice name for the site. Females want to be controlled in some way, I personally believe that comes from them being a daddy’s girl. Felines enjoy alphamales holding them down or spanking them to the count of 10. Of course women would wee the “all girls are sluts” part and get upset. However it really is true, if they give it up, they give you full reign. I love teasing my girl and making her say some shit to get me back in her. I can make her say or do anything. nice writing, felt like I was reading my own thoughts .

    • Sean Lind
      February 21, 2013 at 1:31 pm

      Thank you. Comments like these are the reason I write these blogs.

  • SIZEIT8
    February 14, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Pwarrroh, I feel kind of guilty flapping to whats written here

  • Jenn
    January 17, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Although I do like your other points. Just please watch that you don’t cross the line between being dirty, and offensive.

    • January 18, 2013 at 9:29 am

      Read the first comment by me after the article, I explain why I use the word slut, and why I feel it is important.

  • Lara
    January 15, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    replace “all girls are sluts” and “all girls want to be degraded and humiliated” and the references to hair pulling and cumming on her face with

    how to find her clitoris and stimulate it to her satisfaction

    there

    fixed it for you.

    • Meggan
      September 13, 2013 at 8:38 pm

      Ha! I generally hate pet names but when the last guy I was with called me, “my little slut,” it was quite endearing. My experiences with him made me feel understood and like a huge weight had been lifted from me. It is an incredible burden that females have to carry in our culture to fear being viewed as “sluts.” When I found someone that could both view me as person and as a sexual being it was huge for me. Even though I never loved him or anything like that I will always be loyal to him for being able to see me as I am. I don’t do casual sex but if we were both ever single at the same time he would be the exception.

      The idea of cum in my face has been turning me on lately but that’s only because I watch too much porn. I can imagine that a lot of women wouldn’t be coming up with this on their own.

      As a female reading this I did, too think that there could have been more technical tips but that wasn’t the purpose of this article- it was more of an introduction advising the reader to educate himself further (hopefully).

      But guys, you should know there are many layers of pleasure for women. It’s true that in the first stages a women can go from being turned on to turned off in an instant. But with extended stimulation and/ or after the first orgasm(s) women can reach a sort of euphoric plateau that they cannot come down from. Every touch to any part of the body at this point can give such a wave a pleasure it can almost feel like an orgasm. As females we are bombarded sex tips in magazines articles and the like from the time we are young teens. The most talented men I have been with have all uniquely gone out of their way to read books on the subject. I have to say that talent with oral sex can go a long way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the same girl who once cringed at the idea from past bad experiences have their entire sex life changed by someone who knew what they were doing.

      I have to also add that I’ve personally never known a woman who had her ass licked and didn’t absolutely love it. I talk openly about sex with my girl friends and I know I have been the first several of them have admitted this to. I don’t know if this something that most women could ever ask for, but once they’ve had it they secretly hope for it.

  • Rachel
    January 12, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    I thought the part about always giving your best performance as a matter of respect was good, but I object strongly to the idea that all girls want to be degraded and humiliated through sex. Nobody wants that, and if a guy ever used the word “slut” in sex talk, I’d be kicking him out of the building.

  • Carley
    January 7, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    This is, as much as I hate to admit it, amazing. Not only you just proved you know what women want better than we do ourselves, you revealed it to the world, and I really f*cking hope this reaches many MANY guys out there. Not completely with you on that fish hooking and gagging thing there as I’m not really a fan of them, but as far as it goes for spanking, slapping and hair pulling, kudos to you. The slut part – although it may be a tad awkwardly phrased, I get your point and I salute and embrace my inner slut. Oh, and about the vocal activity you recommend; I have to say, on my behalf, there’s nothing scarier or off-turning than a guy who screams and grunts his lungs out when he crosses the finish line. It depends on a woman, I guess, but I’m always pleased with a silent grunt – I can pretty much figure out his pleasure from the way he’s breathing, as he almost blows me off the bed.
    Otherwise, no comment whatsoever and congratulations to your girlfriend or occasional fucks, they must be very pleased with the service! And kudos to the whiskey-related name, big Lagavulin lover here, apart from the “real men” part.
    Cheers!

  • Don
    January 7, 2013 at 12:36 am

    What if my girlfriend has a low sex drive and is only really into vanilla sex?

    I’ve tried the tips you’ve given before but they don’t play out.

    It’s pretty damn hard -if not impossible- to get my girlfriend to get that “I wanna fck you” look in her eyes…. any tips?

    • January 7, 2013 at 9:27 am

      You will probably hate my advice. If you’ve tried, and she’s not into it you’re left with two choices:

      1) Give up ever having great sex
      2) DTMFA (Dump the Mother Fucker Already)

      She’s not into it, you are. It’s not exactly fair that she only gets what she wants. She’s selfish and boring, you can do better.

  • Lee
    January 5, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Very true. I know I won’t be able to make every woman I’m with orgasm like theres no tomorrow. I also know that I should as you said take pride and be happy in my ability and willingness to give my best during every experience.

  • January 2, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Thanks for the reply. I like where your head is at, and it’s a very good thing to be a true giver. But you need to make sure you keep in check what your idea of “satisfied” is. Some girls are nearly incapable of having an orgasm, and some girls you just won’t click with as well as you would hope. You want to be sure that you are happy and proud of yourself when you put forth the best performance you could possibly muster in that moment.

    If you get down on yourself any time you don’t make her cum, you’ll be a shitty neurotic lay with no real idea of his own skills and hangups.

  • Lee
    January 2, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    This was a very great article. All the way from Pt.1 to Pt.5. I hope this helps a lot of men out there. Really quality stuff. Although I do have a problem with the last part. Theres no reason for her to shift out of her own pleasure. I feel that as a man it should be all about her. Thats what to me also makes a man a great lover. When he doesn’t focus on his pleasure, but solely her own. It shows that you are invested in making her feel comfortable and enjoy the experience. To finish strong to me means leaving completely satisfied. She has had multiple powerful orgasm and was able to enjoy the journey to get there. I honestly couldn’t care less if I came or not. I would prefer if I didn’t. Sounds stupid and crazy I know, but I think Its better that way. I have put my best into making love every minute. I’ll take these tips to heart and continue to learn how to get even better.

  • random
    December 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I thought this was an unusually good piece of writing on the subject. Best one I’ve read. However, two quick pieces of feedback – not speaking for all women either. The first thing is around the “all girls are sluts”. I can get pretty racey in bed, and lots of it isn’t vanilla. But I don’t consider myself a slut – the word is very derogatory. It suggests a person who considers themselves dirty, soiled, used. I like doing all sorts of things, but I don’t consider anything I do to be dirty, I just like what I like. I guess what I’m pointing at is how the word slut gets tied up with shame, and I don’t think any girl should be told she is a slut (should be ashamed) for enjoying herself. The other thing is on lasting as long as possible. I don’t see any reason why sex should just be about the woman. Sure, sometimes, and it’s a nice thing for the guy to do, but I’m not sure a guy should default to prioritizing the girl’s pleasure above his own. If the girl you’re with isn’t ok with you just going for it once in awhile that’s maybe a bit self-centered of her.

    • December 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks for the reply.

      To be honest, the “all girls are sluts” line isn’t meant to be taken as verbatim, it’s meant to initiate a change in the frame of mind of the intended audience. This was written by me, for a 16 year old version of me. I was raised to respect women, and treat them as if they are all a queen. Unfortunately being a “very kind, respectful and nice boy” is a sure-fire way to be terrible at sex. The standard view of “reasonable behavior” for a gentleman is in conflict with sex. The act of sex itself is viewed as derogatory and obscene, thus un gentlemanly.

      In order to get your (well my) mind to a state where you can be a truly great lay, you need to stop viewing the girl as a woman to be courted, and start viewing her as a sexual being to be sated. In the gentleman’s view of the world, only “sluts” enjoy getting fucked. So you need to change your conscious to view the girl as a slut, as someone who wants to be used. You don’t want to have him politely ask you before he does anything, you want him to melt you brain and make you forget everything in life other than his hands, mouth and dick.

      That’s why I wrote it this way, it has nothing to do with disrespect for women, and everything to do with stepping outside of your comfort zone, and getting the job done.

      As for lasting as long as possible, you don’t understand because you’re a girl. 30 seconds is a lifetime for an inexperienced guy, 10 min is only for porn stars. I feel like you wouldn’t agree with this, thus you should just accept “last as long as you can” as being a good thing. The rules change when you’re with someone who’s great at what they do, but those people aren’t about to read these articles.

      • random
        December 18, 2012 at 9:33 am

        Very fair answer all ’round. Also interesting – it had never occurred to me that guys get into the talking about girls as sluts thing in order to be able to relate to them as sexual creatures. Actually in the UK, where I’m currently living, a lot of the guys insist on talking about “being naughty/dirty/filthy”, which has always been really confusing for me, but this is helpful. Cool. Nice site, nice perspective, I’ll be checking back

      • Jenn
        January 17, 2013 at 7:48 pm

        Hi,
        As a girl, I’m angry with your slut comment. No, we are not sluts, and slut shaming is abhorrent and misogynistic. If a man called me that in bed I would walk out. There’s a difference between being a ‘slut’, and liking rough sex. You should read up on what women really want a bit more, not just make shit up.

    • to random
      February 24, 2013 at 8:34 am

      He’s talking about girls inability to fight social pressure and ultimately cheat. Not about just calling you the word slut.

  • Dada
    October 29, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Wow!!! Nyce tips!

  • Jorge
    July 20, 2012 at 12:17 am

    I feel I can kiss you, but this defeats the purpose

  • annie-oakley
    July 5, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    awesome.

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