Without a doubt the most commonly sought male sex advice is the very question men are too ashamed to ask: how to last longer in bed.
Men are funny, the two most common issues they have with sex (other than not being able to get it), are polar opposites of each other. On one hand you have men who are just too excited to last more than a few seconds (premature ejaculation). On the other you have men who are so bored with their partner or just too damn stressed to get it up (erectile dysfunction).
Dealing with ED is simple; just pick one or more of the three options:
- Spice things up with your current partner
- Find someone new who actually turns you on
- Take a pill
Dealing with premature ejaculation isn’t quite as simple. While there are a bunch of tips and tricks I’m about to give you, it really just comes down to experience and control. The more experience you have, the more confidence you’ll have. The more confidence you have the easier it will be to remain in control of your own emotions.
Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed
Just so we’re clear, I define premature as busting at any time other than when you specifically planned for it to happen. You’re the guy, you’re in control, it’s up to you plan, monitor and time when you bust.
Especially if you’re young it’s hard not to get too excited, letting your emotions run amuck. Once you lose control of your emotions you’re never more than a few seconds away from losing the race.
Obviously the main advice is control your emotions, but since that’s easier said than done, here are some tricks:
It’s well known that almost every guy will last significantly longer the second time than they will the first. If you’re capable of reloading in a timely manner take advantage of this by pre-firing.
You can do this with or without her. I’ve known many guys who will go to the can right before they know things are going to get started and rub one out. Any time I’ve pre-fired I’ve typically just done it as part of foreplay. Although you better be sure you’re capable of reloading: a poor performance is always better than a no-show.
Pro-Tip: Trying to rush or will yourself to reload is a surefire way to ensure you don’t. Just relax, forget about it, work on entertaining her and things will work themselves out naturally.
The Wonderful World of Condoms
While just wearing a condom can help most men, sometimes they’re not enough. Since you can only wear one at a time (double bagging is a very bad idea) the extremely premature might have to look into a more extreme option.
If you categorize yourself as extremely premature (we’re talking you’re about to bust before you even get started) you’re going to want to invest in these puppies: TROJAN Extended Pleasure or a small bottle of lube which does the same thing.
If you do go down the numbing agent route here are some words of advice:
- Be sure the numbing lube is on the inside of the condom only, you don’t want her to get nuked by it as well or it defeats the whole purpose. I’d recommend the Trojans.
- This stuff numbs your wang, meaning you can’t feel a damn thing. You won’t get ANY physical pleasure out of the act until it wears off. While this means you can fuck like a porn star, it also means you literally can’t finish until the lube has worn off… hopefully you’re in decent shape.
- It takes a few min for the numbing agent to do its thing. If you try to hit it full-steam from the start you might be done and numb before you can say benzocaine.
- After a first couple runs you’ll start to gain confidence, naturally increasing your staying power and letting you work out some technique. This is good in the long-run, but puts you in a bad spot while surfing the gap between not fully needing it anymore, without having the natural staying power you would like.
Because you’ve calmed down a bit, but can still feel nothing, you’re now fighting your emotions to stay aroused, rather than fighting them to calm down; I.E you’re in a battle against going soft. Unfortunately without the benzocaine you still don’t have the staying power you need to get the job done. You’re in the middle of a catch 22 burdened by a false sense of confidence.
I surfed this awkward confidence gap by starting with the special condom, and changing it out after a few min only letting a fraction of the numbing agent set in. Obviously this isn’t ideal, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. At the end of the day all that matters is you get the job done.
Once the switch it still too much, it’s time to downgrade to a regular dome. Your performance will likely take a hit, and you’ll have a few spotty showings, but you’re well on your way to reaching your goal.
Alcohol can be Your Friend
I’m rarely one to preach drugs as a solution to a problem. More often than not drugs are just a way to avoid a problem, rather than actually solving anything; we’re looking for a little bit of both here.
Alcohol has a double effect on your performance: firstly it helps calm you down and shed inhibitions, and it actually slightly numbs your physical senses.
Having a couple of drinks can be exactly what you need to keep your cool and put on a worthy performance. Just be warned: too many drinks and you’ll hit the other wall with a case of whiskey dick. That and no girl wants to get with a guy sloppy drunk. So drink responsibly, you’re looking to take the edge off and have a good night, not black out and embarrass yourself.
Change Positions to Buy Cool-Down Time
Being dominant and in control has been the theme of every part of this guide, so it should be no surprise to find it featured again here.
The entire time you’re pounding you need to be keeping a close watch on how close you are to the point of no-return (PONR). Firstly you need to understand that your excitement increases exponentially, making the approach of the PONR far more sudden than you may have thought.
Here’s a totally scientific graph to explain what I’m talking about:
As you can see the amount of time it takes you to get halfway to the PONR is approximately double the amount of time it takes you to travel the rest of the way.
In addition to your PONR approaching exponentially, it retreats in the opposite direction along the same line. The closer to your PONR you get, the longer it takes to calm down to a point where you can go back to work. When you find yourself needing some time to cool off, pushing back the approach of the PONR, use your control and dominance to your advantage.
Changing positions is the most natural excuse you’ll get to pull out and let yourself cool down. Even if you’re not actually pounding, you need to maintain the intensity, not allowing her to slip backwards. Every time she loses ground on her way to finish, you’ve just created more work for yourself.
When you need to cool off, pull out and physically move the girl (or order her) into the next position. Don’t ask or be gentle, this is a great time to show her you’re in control, and convince her you know what you’re doing. She’ll think you’re just mixing it up (which you are) while you fulfill your own agenda (cooling down).
Lasting longer is all about managing your own emotions. If you feel yourself slipping you’ll want to remove as many stimulants as you can. Take your mind away, instead of thinking about how hot her bouncing tits look try to remember the entire phonetic alphabet.
If things are feeling so good that you’re losing yourself into the moment, bite down on your tongue or find another way to bring more pain to yourself than the pleasure you’re having. Think of the most unattractive thing you can come up with, and focus on the details.
I used to think about my teeth grinding on the edge of a curb, just anything which will take you away from the pleasure going on below.
The key with thinking of non-sexy thoughts is to bring in as many details as you can, for as many senses as you can. Teeth on the curb covers them all with the taste of gunpowder, the feeling of broken teeth and white hot nerves on the cement, the scraping sound… it’s been enough to make me forget about all three of the girls in my bed. If you can bring enough detail something that graphic should work for any girl you land.
Find Neutral Positions
There are hundreds of different sexual positions; each one will bring a different type and amount of pleasure to either partner. Find positions which do little at all for you. Even if she’s not going hog wild this is a great way to halt your PONR from drawing any closer, without actually having to stop.
Tease Tease Tease
If you’re right at the brink, you’re going to need more time to cool down than you can manage by simply changing positions. This is when you’re going to want to play the teasing game.
She’s going to desperately want you back inside her, so use this to build some more anticipation and display your dominance. Tease her, talk dirty, spank her, make her rub herself for you, make her beg for it… do whatever you like, just don’t touch your dick at all until you’ve calmed down enough to no longer be in the danger zone.
Once you’re back in the clear, wait another minute (you’re never as calm as you think you are at this point) and then get back into it. If you go back too early you’ll just have to stop again immediately, this one won’t feel as natural, and can mess with your flow.
Combine as Required
These tips can be used solo or in any combination/configuration you desire. You just need to figure out what works best for you, and get your own style going.
At the end of the day you’re looking for anything which lets you control your own emotions. If you can do that in a way not listed above, all the power to you. In fact if you do come up with another great tip, post it in the comments below. I’m sure someone else out there will be glad to read it.
The next article in the Be the Best lay series wraps it all up with some general sex tips and tricks for men. At this point you know everything you need to know to get yourself into the game; the final article will give you some tools to reach your full potential.
More from the Be the Best Lay She’s Ever Had Series:
- Part 1: Acceptance
- Part 2: Making your Move
- Part 3: The True Importance of Foreplay
- Part 4: How to Last Longer in Bed
- Part 5: Sex Tips for Men