You’ve made your move and shifted from hanging out to getting it on. Everything you’ve done has been leading up to this point; if you want to be the best lay she’s ever had it’s time to get to work.
On the surface the importance of foreplay seems obvious, but many guys in their excitement greatly underestimate just how important it can be. As a guy you’re often ready to go before the starting gun has even been raised. The worst thing you can do as a guy is false start. Escalating too high too soon is a surefire recipe for disaster.
On top of the obvious, there are a whole bunch of goals you need to accomplish with foreplay which you have probably never quantified. Being the best lay she’s ever had starts here.
Mandate: Be a Professional
I can’t stress this enough: sex is almost entirely mental. To be good at sex, you need to be good at manipulating emotions. Everything you do from the first kiss onward should be done for a reason, and you should understand what those reasons are.
Sex is a difficult art to master, and you’re never going to be the best at it without actively working at improving your skills. Just going in and having fun without a plan or a care will always work out well for you, but you’re always risking a lack-luster performance from her point of view.
This doesn’t mean you have to pull completely into your head and not enjoy what you’re doing. Look at the best professional athletes: they’re constantly working hard, planning, assessing and reacting, but they’re still enjoying the game they love. You should be no different. Enjoy yourself out there, but the second you stop taking this seriously is the second you stop shooting out the lights.
Goal 1: Gather intelligence
If this is your first time sleeping with this girl, you need to gather as much intelligence as you can, as quickly as you can. Every girl is different and you need to figure out what makes her tick, where her buttons are and how to push them.
This is your primary goal, the true importance, of foreplay. You should be testing different moves and actions, assessing the response and adjusting accordingly.
Firstly you need to understand the female paradox…
Critical Note: You must read goal 2 after reading the female paradox. Failing to do so could be disastrous.
The female paradox is this:
Girls want to be loved, wanted and respected. They want to feel sexy, beautiful and special. At the same time they want to feel slutty, naughty and used. They want to be given the opportunity to be everything they say they’re not, and feel good about it when they’re done.
You’ve all heard the expression “the quiet girls are always the biggest freaks”. This is a description of the female paradox. Everything you know about this girl before making your shift is irrelevant. You’re starting at ground zero, and it’s your job to figure out just how far this girl wants you to push it.
I’m sure many of you are thinking “well this is great, but how do I do it?” Here are some classic moves to test the water and get the information you need. I typically use them in the order listed, as it’s a decent natural progression… but feel free to find your own style:
The Fistful of Hair: This is the greatest weapon in your arsenal. You’ll be amazed at what it can do for you. You’re aiming for the hair at the nape of the neck, and grabbing a fistful. You’re not pulling the hair as much as grabbing it tightly and squeezing.
It’s the best way to (gently) pull her head back and work on her neck. While pretty much every girl will love this, you’re trying to judge by how much. The reaction will range from a quick short inhale to a full on shiver and moan.
Phallic Fingers: This one is straight forward enough, and can be combined with the fistful of hair. Put a finger (or two) to her lips, and see how she reacts. Nine times out of ten she’s going to do exactly what you hope she’s going to do.
If she doesn’t that’s almost certainly the most important signal you’ll get. You’re in for a night of vanilla sex, and I would go totally baseline unless she take the lead.
If she does take them into her mouth, you need to judge the enthusiasm. Does she dutifully suck on them then pull away, or does she go to work and show off her skills until you pull out?
The Spank: Firstly, when you’re slapping a girl’s ass you need to do it hard. Doing it lightly will just make you look like a pussy, if she wanted a pussy she’d be with a girl. You need to hit her hard enough for her to really feel it, but at the same time you don’t want to leave hand prints on the ass of a girl not into a bit of pain.
You’re making this first spank with the purpose of gauging the reaction. If she doesn’t like it, you’ll know immediately (this won’t be a deal breaker). If she does like it her reaction will range anywhere from a naughty look to moving her ass into position, a la “please Sir may I have another”. If she’s clearly into it start increasing the intensity: it’s time to find out just how kinked this girl really is.
Goal 2: Constantly re-asses and adjust
When it comes to the female paradox, some girls will be slightly different while others will be the polar opposite. You need to be adjusting your actions to the personality of the girl in front of you. Going too far with the wrong girl could be enough to hear the only word you never want to hear, and can never come back from: Stop
Always start completely vanilla and progress slowly one step at a time. If anything you do gets a negative reaction, back off two steps and move on. Even when you move from foreplay to the main event, you should be testing, evaluating and reacting. A girl can change dramatically from when you start fooling around to when you finish… in fact that should be your goal.
If you do your job right, she will hit new heights, enjoying things she had never considered. You will open her world to a whole set of feelings and experiences she didn’t know existed. You’re not like every other chump in the world, so you shouldn’t fuck like one.
Test, assess, adjust. Wash rinse repeat.
Note: When you come across a girl who likes to be in control, who tells you what she likes and how she likes it, your best bet is to just listen and respond. At this point your only job is following her instructions and putting forth the best showing possible.
Never engage in a power struggle, the girl is always in charge. Either she gives the power to you, or she takes it. She’s the director; you’re just the supporting cast.
Goal 3: Make her want to rape you
Before you ever put the ball out of the park, you should have the girl literally begging for it; desperate to have you inside her. As anyone who has ridden a roller coaster knows, one of the best parts is the slow climb to the top. Your first goal is to build as much anticipation as you possibly can.
Not only will this get her physically ready for you (crucial to a good performance), it will make her want nothing more in the world. The more you can focus her thoughts and energy on getting pounded, the more powerful the response will be when she finally gets it.
The key to this is to only give her what she wants on your terms. Regardless of how badly you want it, you need to stay calm and relaxed. You need to tease her and make her wait… and wait… and wait. Even if you make her wait for what feels like an hour, chances are it’s been less than five minutes.
You are literally working at bringing her to the point of her physically trying to rape you. She can no longer bear the thought of having to wait any more, and tries to force the issue. Physically restrain her if you have to, make her beg for it and make it clear she will get it, when you decide it’s time.
Goal 4: Retain the illusion of control
The final goal is the main mandate when moving past foreplay into full on screwing. At all times you should retain the illusion of control. You want her to believe you know what you’re doing, what she wants and you know exactly how to get her there.
Even if you have no clue what you’re doing, fake it until you make it. Just go with whatever thought pops into your head, and if it works build on it, if it doesn’t move on to something else.
When you’ve built the tension to its breaking point, when she’s shaking and begging for you to fuck her, then it’s time for the main event. But before we move on to tips and tricks you need to finish job we’ll address the most common issue most men have to deal with at some time in their life: How to Last Longer.
More from the Be the Best Lay She’s Ever Had Series:
- Part 1: Acceptance
- Part 2: Making your Move
- Part 3: The True Importance of Foreplay
- Part 4: How to Last Longer in Bed
- Part 5: Sex Tips for Men